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The Reason You are Not in a Relationship is YOU! – by Luis Santiago

Title: The reason you are not in a relationship is…YOU!

The 3 key areas you must focus on to dramatically change your love life.


Although men and women are very different creatures the one thing they do have in common is they don’t want to end up alone. There are thousands of singles out there searching and hoping to meet that special someone they can share their life with. You may even be one of them. If you are you should ask yourself this question? If the man or woman of your dreams were to show up on your doorstep today would you be prepared? Chances are you aren’t.


Speaking from personal experience and having worked with many men and women, I can say without a shadow of a doubt, you must be willing to face your fears and learn what it means to honor your truth if you ever want true love. If you don’t, you will continue to have relationships that end in heartbreak.


Learning about yourself means understanding why you want the things you want and why you do the things you do. Recognizing your bad habits and taking responsibility for your actions is essential especially when it comes to love. As a date coach I guide singles through this self discovery process. As you begin this journey you will start to see that the choices you made in life created most of the difficulties you’ve had to face. I know that it isn’t easy to hear but it’s the truth. By learning how to make better choices when it comes to dating and relationships you will create better outcomes.


If you want a relationship that is going to THRIVE until death do you part you must learn to respect and love yourself first. 


To discover your true authentic self you need to address these three areas:


  • FEAR: fear of rejection and fear of being alone


  • Know your essence and understand its importance: masculine, feminine, neutral


  • Be aware of your negative traits and do something about them


Let’s start with the most important because it’s the one that holds us back from going after many things in life. FEAR. We all have a variety of fears that keeps us from experiencing real love. Most singles have a fear of rejection and a fear of being alone. What’s interesting is once you overcome your fear of rejection your fear of being alone dissipates. The way to accomplish this is learning how to create opportunities for yourself and how to connect with the opposite sex. Once you develop these abilities you will no longer have a fear of being alone because it will empower you to know that you can meet someone at anytime.


The next step on your path of self discovery is knowing your essence.  Do you have a masculine, feminine or neutral essence? All men and women have a combination of the three but the combo can vary.  You’ll be surprised to know it’s not always gender based and energy shifts can be situational. Let’s take women for example. More women are becoming independent and career driven. It’s natural for them to be in a masculine mode at work. Women should learn how to shift from a masculine state to a feminine state before going on a date or spending time with a man. Understanding how and when to do this will greatly enhance your relationships.


Men need to learn when to tap into their masculinity. Understanding when a woman needs you to be in masculine mode is very appealing. For example, an attractive masculine trait is taking initiative and being decisive. So, the next time you ask a girl out don’t leave it up to her to make the plans. Ask her to give you three options of what she’d like to do or places she’d like to go then decide on one and plan it out. Taking on that responsibility is a way of tapping into your masculinity thus increasing her attraction towards you.


Lastly, know your negative traits and do something about them. Being aware of what they are and working on them will make you more attractive to the opposite sex. For example, if you tend to dominate conversations keep yourself in check on your date. You don’t want to be the person that talks too much especially about yourself. On the flip side, if you tend to be more introverted you don’t want to come off as boring or closed off.


If you have no clue what your negative traits are ask a friend preferably one that will be honest. Be prepared to hear something you might not like. Keep in mind this constructive criticism is only going to help you become a better person and partner.   


If you say you are ready to meet THE ONE then now is the time to take a hard look at yourself.  At times we unknowingly sabotage relationships because we fail to work on ourselves first. So start by asking yourself these questions: Have I faced my fears, healed from past relationships, addressed my negative traits, learned about masculine and feminine energy and how to effectively communicate with the opposite sex? If you said no to any of the above then it will be difficult for you to have a relationship that will flourish into a healthy, lifelong committed, passionate relationship. Regardless of where you are in your life it’s never too late to begin your path to self discovery, truth and love.




To learn more about Luis, his services and to schedule a free consultation visit his site at www.luissantiago.net. Email luis@luissantiago.net to receive his weekly video blog series Straight Talk.



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