You fall for that hope of the picture perfect past you thought once was. But the reality is it was not as good as you remembered. Now a study from Kansas State University shows Exes that get back to together tend to be unhappy.
“The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be.”
News Release Feb. 20, 2012 from Kansas State University states: “When cyclical couples break up, they tend to be ambiguous about ending the relationship,” Vennum said. “So it can be unclear to one or both partners if they broke up and why they broke up, which leads to them continuing the romantic relationship. Other times the breakup won’t be unilateral, so one person pursues the other until they get back together.”
She found that couples who were cyclical prior to marriage were more uncertain about getting married and began their marriages with lower satisfaction and higher conflict than noncyclical couples. Over time, satisfaction with the marriage continued to decrease for cyclical couples. Additionally, spouses who were cyclical before marriage were also more likely to experience a trial separation during the first three years of marriage.
“It really shows that those patterns of cyclicality tend to repeat,” Vennum said. “If you tend to be cyclical while dating, you tend to be cyclical while married. The more you are cyclical, the more your relationship quality tends to decrease and that creates a lack of trust and uncertainty about the future of the relationship, perpetuating the pattern.”
So her advice:
“Don’t get back together,” she said. “Study after study shows that when our relationships are poor, we don’t function well. If it seems necessary to get back together, make sure the decision is carefully considered by both people and that specific efforts are made to establish clarity.”
I said many times before block your ex from all signs of communication: texting, Facebook, Twitter, Skype, IM, and emails. Keep the “enjoyable” past memories as memories and create new ones with someone else. Plus, it is much more exciting to learn about someone new and have someone get to know you. Don’t know where to meet new singles? San Antonio Singles check out Scenergy-Dating.com flirt online and meet quality singles at mixers.
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