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Dating, online dating, Self Improvement, Trends

Study Shows Why Not to Get Back with Your Ex

You fall for that hope of the picture perfect past you thought once was. But the reality is it was not as good as you remembered. Now a study from Kansas State University shows Exes that get back to together tend to be unhappy.

“The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be.”

News Release Feb. 20, 2012 from Kansas State University states:  “When cyclical couples break up, they tend to be ambiguous about ending the relationship,” Vennum said. “So it can be unclear to one or both partners if they broke up and why they broke up, which leads to them continuing the romantic relationship. Other times the breakup won’t be unilateral, so one person pursues the other until they get back together.”

She found that couples who were cyclical prior to marriage were more uncertain about getting married and began their marriages with lower satisfaction and higher conflict than noncyclical couples. Over time, satisfaction with the marriage continued to decrease for cyclical couples. Additionally, spouses who were cyclical before marriage were also more likely to experience a trial separation during the first three years of marriage.

“It really shows that those patterns of cyclicality tend to repeat,” Vennum said. “If you tend to be cyclical while dating, you tend to be cyclical while married. The more you are cyclical, the more your relationship quality tends to decrease and that creates a lack of trust and uncertainty about the future of the relationship, perpetuating the pattern.”

So her advice:

“Don’t get back together,” she said. “Study after study shows that when our relationships are poor, we don’t function well. If it seems necessary to get back together, make sure the decision is carefully considered by both people and that specific efforts are made to establish clarity.”

Read more: http://www.k-state.edu/media/newsreleases/feb12/cyclicalrelationships22012.html

I said many times before block your ex from all signs of communication: texting, Facebook, Twitter, Skype, IM, and emails. Keep the “enjoyable” past memories as memories and create new ones with someone else. Plus, it is much more exciting to learn about someone new and have someone get to know you. Don’t know where to meet new singles? San Antonio Singles check out Scenergy-Dating.com flirt online and meet quality singles at mixers.

For more of my rambles: don’t forget to share (below), subscribe (right), and stay sexy (everywhere and everyday) 

I know I was lagging in my posts lately but I really appreciate the support emails, knowing I was missed really means alot. Feel free to email me at novatheblogger@gmail.com, I get back pretty quick and always up for some convo. I do have a line up of some juicy posts coming up. So stay tuned!

For other Ex edition posts:

Adele-Cure for Heartbreaks?

When to start dating again



3 thoughts on “Study Shows Why Not to Get Back with Your Ex

  1. My ex is still trying to persue me, and its been 4yrs! I blocked him from everything and moved country. Yet he still recreates new accounts to add me AGAIN! He left me for 2other girls back in the day and now he’s bored, and has nothing else to do but stalk me and try to win me back! Everytime i seem to fully be happy and moved on, BOOM, he crawls back in my life! Friend request on facebook and skype! Icing on the cake, 2days ago, he came across my blog group on facebook and LIKED it! And on that blog, it tells all my personal life, from where i live and what i’m up2!
    I do agree with your post, it is hard to move on without having the ex at the back of your mind 😦

    Posted by womensdiary | April 10, 2012, 4:54 am
  2. This study sounds like bullshit(as most studies on dating).

    Posted by Socialkenny | April 10, 2012, 11:21 am
  3. @ WomensDiary Well that is some problems there. I know with tech it is so easy for an ex to find you. As I explained on https://scenergydating.wordpress.com/2012/01/04/you-googled-me-how-technology-changed-the-dating-game-forever/ Tech changed how to date a person and Ex issues. Which unless you completely remove your name, phone number, and email that they may know from searches, he will never go away. Best of luck to you!

    Posted by Nova | April 10, 2012, 12:06 pm

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