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Dating, online dating, Places to Go, Self Improvement

Relationship Coach Scott Simpson answers the tough questions

I had the pleasure of meeting Relationship Coach R Scott Simpson,  He is a certified Relationship and Life Coach helping singles for over 18 years and is the founder of TheLovePlan.

“I can show you how to create your successful love plan and strategy, find the love of your dreams and enjoy that amazing love relationship you want and deserve…”

Scott sat down with me and answered a few questions that Singles in San Antonio want to know about dating:

 What would you say, is the most important thing in a lasting relationship?

Before I answer this question let me first say that I believe that most singles don’t want to be alone.  So we date seeking a lasting, committed relationship.  Yet many singles confuse wanting a lasting, committed relationship with being ready for one.

We all want to be with a partner, but, for a variety of reasons, we might not be ready.  And often, we are unaware of our lack of readiness.  When our dating strategy does not line up with our readiness status, we unconsciously set ourselves up for failure.  In the end, this complicates our lives and the lives of our dating partners.

What is the most important thing in a lasting relationship? Commitment.  Commitment is a promise and the secret to happiness in a relationship.  Commitment is the glue that holds your relationship together through the impossible.  So the question I have for singles is this:  Are you ready for a committed relationship?  If you answer yes, then check to see if you can answer “yes” to the following questions:  Are you clear about your Vision for your life and relationship?  Do you know your Life Purpose and ALL your  Requirements (those nonnegotiable events and qualities required for a relationship to work for you?   Are you emotionally free from your past relationships?   Are you successful and happy without being in a relationship?  Do you have enough relationship knowledge and experience to bring to a committed relationship and make it work?  Do you know how to take responsibility for YOU in a relationship?  Can you choose and initiate what you want, and say “no” to what you don’t want in a relationship?  You are ready for a committed relationship when you can answer “Yes” to these questions.

What is a common challenge for singles trying to find Mr./Ms. Right?

The common challenge that I hear from singles is this:  they are unclear about who they are and what they want in life and a relationship.  So they often choose partners who are not aligned with who they really are and what they really want.  Singles fall into what I call “Dating Traps” and make unconscious partner choices, assuming they can make a relationship work.  Unfortunately the way out of a “Dating Trap” often means ending the relationship.  Making good long term relationship choices begins with taking the time to be very clear about who you are and what you want, and learning how to get what you want in your life and relationships.

Even though the world is evolving, with more technology, did the dating scene evolve as well?

No.  I don’t believe it did.  in a new trend, singles are becoming increasingly disillusioned with internet dating and seeking alternatives.  With millions of singles using the internet, and the promises and success stories of online matchmaking   websites, I’ve heard the same thing over and over from singles across the country who are frustrated with internet dating:  “It’s great to have a lot of choices, but it takes a lot of time and I don’t seem to meet anyone I have much chemistry with.”This trend makes sense to me.  In some ways, using a computer to find your soul mate is like trying to cook a souffle in a microwave.  Somethings just require time, effort, and the human touch.

The Internet, Chemistry, and the Law of Attraction:

Today’s singles seem to be relying on their computer a bit too much and complacently expecting the internet to deliver their soul mate. The internet is a wonderful tool, but doesn’t seem to work effectively as the only tool for finding potential partners.

I believe the two biggest reasons why the internet isn’t effective for many singles is the role of chemistry and the Law of Attraction.

Chemistry is critically important for a successful relationship. Everyone wants a partner they feel strong chemistry with, and a relationship would be pretty dry and unsustainable without it. The Fourth Principle of Conscious Dating is, “Balance Your Heart With  Your Head.” Identifying your requirements, needs, and wants does not minimize the need for chemistry. You need both! I like to think of chemistry as the radar that helps you find your target; then you use your requirements, needs and wants to decide “yes” or  “no.”

The Law of Attraction is inescapable and either works for you or against you. If you’re “busy” or “shy” and the internet is your only means of reaching potential partners, in a way you’re hiding behind your computer and the Law of Attraction is not likely to help  you. The Law of Attraction states that, “like attracts like” and “energy follows attention,” meaning your results reflect your thoughts and your actions. Over the years, I’ve become convinced the Law of Attraction is a powerful Law of the Universe, like gravity. Just  like, “what goes up must come down,” try as you might, you can’t avoid or change the principle that, “like attracts like.”

If you’re hiding behind your computer, what people, relationships, and results are you likely to attract?

That is the great thing about Scenergy Dating combining online dating and events to really get singles to use the convince of online dating and yet also step out of the computer  and meet singles in person. 

What would you tell a person that has a physical feature that maybe seen as unflattering/unattractive that maybe holding him/her back from dating?

I would tell that person to not let fear – fear of the unknown and fear of being a failure – hold him/her back from dating.  Trust yourself that there is a person who will accept you for who you are and not even think about a physical feature that is unflattering or unattractive.  Don’t let fear control you.

What is fear?  Rhonda Britten, author of Fearless Living, defines fear as “…both the cause and effect of the feelings, thoughts, or actions that prohibit you from accepting yourself and realizing your full potential.  It is the gate keeper of your comfort zone.”

If you look at fear as an acronymn, False Evidence Appearing Real, it is much easier to face.  You can set it aside and or move through it.

The best way to combat fear is to face it head on and move right through it.  Take a step out of your comfort zone and ask that person out on a date.  Many people are afraid of failure.  I suggest that you look at failure differently:  define it.  You can always learn from failure, and, when you stop and think about it, that is what failure is for, isn’t it?

Look fear in the face and take a risk.  Go out on that date.  You will be glad you did.  You will be amazed how great you fell for taking this big step.  And who knows?  You might be surprised who you meet and who doesn’t care about your unflattering feature.

That person cares about you!

Thank you Scott Simpson for answering our questions and catch  Dating Coach Scott in an exclusive Seminar this Friday, February 10th 7PM at Majadera Tex-Mex, as he helps you answer the question “Are You Ready for A Relationship?”

Buy your tickets for $15 ONLY $5 at SAdating101.eventbrite.com in our 24 hour Cheap Ticket offer.

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Discussion

4 thoughts on “Relationship Coach Scott Simpson answers the tough questions

  1. I will surely follow your advice.Actually i like someone but i have never expressed my feeling to that person.After reading your blog i have become more confident.

    Posted by ESD | February 7, 2012, 1:22 am
  2. Hi ESD,

    Thank you for sharing your response. I am glad to hear you are attracted to a special person. Take that first step out of your comfort zone and share your feelings. Tell that person how you feel. Be the chooser!

    Warmly,

    Coach Scott

    Posted by Scott Simpson | February 7, 2012, 6:54 pm
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