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Dating, online dating, Self Improvement

Who, What, Where, When – in dating: When is the best time to start dating, again.

It’s Question time,  get your dose of insight from me; the real questions and my real answers.Do you have a question? Go to my Ask Nova page.

When is the best time to start dating again after a Break-up?

This is an important question because depending on how intimate and the lifespan of the relationship, is to know how difficult this will be. Some say, “half the time the relationship lasts” not realistic. Others say, ” right after your single.” My timeline is a little simpler, and I believe could apply to the all “recently” single.

First, evaluate self – do you know what kind of relationship you would want to enter into after your break up? Do you want to enter into a long-term relationship or do you want to not get exclusive with anyone anytime soon?  This reflection does take time, so use it wisely. This is when your support system could really help in getting you over the break up. *But do take advise as a grain of salt because only you know what is right for you.

Then, remove evidence – in some cases this may be difficult/impossible (child together, in this case go to my post Dating with a Car Seat this can be very helpful.) But in other cases, remove reminders of this person. Sure you may think this item does not mean anything to you. But by removing these items you will get closer to releasing the “weight” of the the break up. There will be enough reminders; songs or many others of your everyday routine.

Finally, stopping the reference of the ex. I see a person that is ready to date again when, the person completely stops mentioning the ex in any connotation. Plus, the person does not take offence to others referencing the ex as well. Practice this, when you are able to not mention the ex, that is when you notice him/her is out of your mind. Which is when you can start focusing on what is best for you.

For me, “Staying as Friends” just makes it harder to get over your ex. I suggest to completely remove contact and block, if all possible(in ALL forms of communication, why? Read Here: How Can Facebook Ruin Your Dating Life?) Everyone thinks this can work, but to better yourself and move on its not. I Repeat, its not! Why you may ask, because this is a form of behavior called Thought Suppression where you tell yourself that you two are not together and are “just friends” but because you are trying to push out the thought of when you two were together and now not together  that controls a mood/emotional trigger. Which, you will lose any progress of moving on and letting someone new in. Please, understand when you are breaking up you are breaking a routine, that for whatever length of time, you were in. So taking the steps to really change the routine (stop calling, texting, and Facebooking each other) then will let you really start your new beginning with someone special.

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Discussion

4 thoughts on “Who, What, Where, When – in dating: When is the best time to start dating, again.

  1. Good article.

    No one who’d recently broken up should even be contemplating another relationship-period!

    It’s inevitable but it should be the last thing.

    Posted by Socialkenny | January 5, 2012, 10:07 pm

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

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